Resourceful State

Life Enhancing Tools & Techniques for Personal & Professional Growth

Resourceful Little Treasures

By

Resourceful Little Treasures

Christine Miller

LittlegirlsIn recent years there has been an upsurge of interest and concern in relation to children’s emotional and mental health. Media stories about bullying in schools, excluded children, disaffected youths creating mayhem in their communities, concerns about child pornography and the safety of the internet – all have been presented in the nation’s living rooms, and whether we judge the publicity good or bad, it is now important to recognise that the well being of our children is of widespread interest and concern.

Some years ago, a government report, “Promoting Children’s Mental Health within Early Years and School Settings” (DfES[i]: 2001) stated that “the mental health of children is everyone’s business”, and that adult society as a whole needed to recognise the importance of children’s mental health and emotional literacy.

    • Self-esteem
    • Sense of identity
    • Strong family relationships
    • Good communications with teachers and peer groups

The above are widely acknowledged as key elements in children who are resilient, and the risk factors for mental ill-health increase with every element missing from the list of desirable conditions.

In my role as a coach and mentor I work with a lot of young people, many of whom come along already labelled with behavioural, learning and/or emotional difficulties. That means I’m quite accustomed to witnessing sulky, aggressive and unhappy children, and it can take a fair amount of time, compassion and humour to unwind and relax and begin to make progress together.

 Too Close to Home?

So when my own teenage son informed me with some passion a while ago that I “have no idea how hard it is to be a child growing up these days” it took me by surprise and prompted me to reflect carefully on my family, my work and my self.

He’s usually thought of as the wise one in his group, he appears to cope with whatever life presents to him, and he does fine at school. Yet even he is saying that coping is hard. And it’s in such moments that we can, as parents, gain great insights into just what the challenges of adolescence are these days that might make it harder than it was for us.

However, it’s tricky, because any questioning or request for explanation can lead to stonewalling silence – and so how can we mine for those precious nuggets that help us respond appropriately and with love to our little treasures and not dam up the flow before it’s even started? Because if it’s hard work being a child these days, it’s probably even harder being a parent who cares, who wants to be supportive yet finds that they are sidelined and that attempts at dialogue are blocked.

 Other People’s Little Treasures

You’d think with my experience and skills with other people’s children, it would be a breeze. Aah yes. But dealing with your own kids isn’t the same as being the outside help. After all, you can’t send them home after an hour or so – they are at home. You don’t have the benefit of an outside perspective. You’re on a tightrope over what can feel like a precarious drop into dangerous waters. Well, that was what I thought until I began to reflect on the limitations I was imposing by holding those beliefs.

I wondered: if I could change my beliefs about it being hard to work with my son, could he shift his beliefs that it’s hard to be an adolescent growing up today?

And this is what happened.

 Stepping Back and Stepping Out

I worked out a way of inviting my son to use a simple strategy of stepping back and stepping out.

I explained to him that I had been experiencing a paradox of finding it hard to be a parent. Feeling uncomfortable offering to help him because he’s my son, and even more uncomfortable not helping him – also because he’s my son, and especially as I have such a wide range of skills that could benefit him. So I went back in time to occasions when it would have seemed impossible and neglectful not to pass on skills and knowledge to him.

 Like, what if I’d never talked to him so he could learn from me?
Or taught him to feed and dress himself?
Or helped him to read?
Or helped him to learn to ride his bike?

How weird would that have been?

And in the future, when he learns to drive … (Oh, Yes! This Year! as he gleefully reminded me) he’ll accept that know-how from his dad and me.

 Crazy Imaginings

We ended up laughing at the craziest imaginary scenarios of me being reluctant to be a parent and guide to him because I knew more than he did.  This opened up a really useful dialogue for us, about eking out degrees of responsibility as children approach adulthood, yet still being there. And on we went to his scenarios…

 Growing Up and Expanding Your World

He stepped back and found times when it had been enormous fun to be growing up and developing, learning and exploring his expanding world, and he rediscovered a sense of joy. He noticed that there was usually someone else involved with passing on skills and knowledge, but that when he was competent he went off and did his own thing. He discovered that he had lots of resources from the past which he could bring forward into the present, and would transfer to the future.

And he recognised that accepting help and support were a way of getting stronger and growing more resourceful – real, lasting treasures to carry forward to a life where it may just be a little easier to be growing up, in that limbo where you’re neither child nor adult.

Keeping Mum

And as for me, I’ve found a more comfortable and fulfilling place in his world where we have greater understanding, and I can support him by balancing the roles of adult and parent – still keeping mum, but now able to speak up as well!!

Are there times when have you felt yourself on a tightrope in a relationship,  wanting to speak up and intervene, yet knowing you need to tread with care? We’d be fascinated to find out.

© Christine Miller 

[i] Department for Education & Skills (2001, June) Promoting Children’s Mental health in Early Years & School Settings

Experiencing Resourceful States

By

AlightandAliveAbout States of Mind

“He looked like he was in a right old state”

“She worked herself up into a dreadful state”

Have you ever heard this kind of statement, or made similar comments about people you spend time with? We often speak of people as being in ‘a state’, and it’s not unusual for the connotations to be somewhat negative, implying that there is a loss of control or an extreme emotional response in their behaviour.

 You are always in a ‘State’

How often in the course of our daily lives, do we really think about or notice the states of mind we are in, and the influence they might be having on levels of happiness, performance or energy? Most people rarely stop to think about it — but it’s true that:

Your ‘State’ is one of the most important factors in living the life you really want to live

And yes, you are always in a state of one kind or another, even when you are asleep!
Since that is the case, then doesn’t it make sense to choose states that support you better in what you want to be, do and have in your life? To be in more control of your responses and to have a personal inner space where you can develop your self-awareness?

What kind of State are YOU in right now?

As you read these words, you can become aware of how you experience yourself right now — are you feeling positive, relaxed, with an inner sense of worth?

  • Do you have a sense of your self as able to fulfil your potential?
  • How are you speaking to yourself?
  • Is your inner voice being kind to you?
  • Do you feel confident, powerful, joyful — able to deal with whatever comes along in your life?

If the answer is YES—then you’re in a resourceful state. Or maybe…

  • Do you suffer from doubts about yourself, which limit your ability to progress?
  • Is your inner voice critical of you?
  • Are your relationships, your career, your social and family life or your education suffering because you don’t give yourself permission to be at your best?

Learning to create and access a personal resourceful state can be an empowering experience which leads to growth and development. Having the benefit of such a strategy can help you to manage the more challenging times in your life without overwhelm. Being able to access a resourceful state won’t miraculously ‘fix’ the tough bits—often it’s those parts of our lives from which we learn most. But it might just help to provide a little steady comfort when things are difficult, and enable us to benefit even more when life is going well.

Change Your State Right Now

There are two main ways to change your state — FOCUS & PHYSIOLOGY.

So change physiology by pretending there’s piece of string attached to the top of your head and hold on to it whilst you stretch the string upwards and your upper body becomes more upright.

Then change your focus:

Relax, take a deep breath
Hold it for a few seconds then let it go
Focus and concentrate on this image
Simply notice what happens to the way you feel
Whatever happens is perfect for you right now …

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Growing Resilience through Resourceful States of Mind

By

Christine Miller Headshot 2 2012Growing Resilience through Resourceful States of Mind – first published in BACP Journal 2003 

Case study research explores the potential for growth and change in children experiencing learning and/or emotional and behavioural difficulties when they learn to create their own personal “Welfare State”

In recent years there has been an upsurge of interest and concern in relation to children’s emotional and mental health. Media stories about bullying in schools, excluded children, disaffected youths creating mayhem in their communities, concerns about child pornography and the safety of the internet – all have been presented in the nation’s living rooms, and whether we judge the publicity good or bad, it is now important to recognise that the well being of our children is of widespread interest and concern. A recent government report, “Promoting Children’s Mental Health within Early Years and School Settings” (DfES[i]: 2001) states that “the mental health of children is everyone’s business”, and that adult society as a whole needs to recognise the importance of children’s mental health and emotional literacy. Self-esteem, a sense of identity, strong family relationships and good communications with teachers and peer groups are widely acknowledged as key elements in children who are resilient, and the risk factors for mental ill-health increase with every element missing from the list of desirable conditions.

 

Being Resourceful

You might be wondering just what is a resourceful state of mind, and how is it relevant to counselling and working with children, and so I’d like to begin by defining the word resourceful:

Webster’s dictionary states: “resourceful” “Able to act effectively, or imaginatively, especially in difficult situations” [ii]

The Oxford English Dictionary defines thus:

“Resources”, “A stock or reserve on which one can draw when necessary”,  “An action or a procedure to which one may have recourse in a difficulty or emergency”.

“Resourceful”   “Full of resource”, “Rich or abounding in resources”  OED, 1979 [iii]

“having inner resources, adroit or imaginative”;  “someone who is resourceful is capable of dealing with difficult situations”; Wordnet, 1997, Princeton University.[iv]

As described above, the qualities of being resourceful would be beneficial for all of us, and especially for our children, increasing their resilience as they learn to deal with a modern life fraught with many potential pitfalls and anxieties. Although there are some people who appear to be naturally gifted with a consummate ability to respond appropriately to life’s challenges, it seems that coping with difficult situations with grace and elegance, for at least some of the time, is a skill which may be learned at any age or stage. Clients who present themselves, (or are “sent”), for counselling are unlikely to be demonstrating resourcefulness in the parts of their lives which are causing trouble, since if they were coping effectively with difficult situations, they wouldn’t be clients in the first place. This applies to adults as well as children, but it is particularly relevant to a child, as generally they have less control over their environment, and little if any choice in how they are dealt with when things are not going well. They are required by law to attend school, where they may be experiencing difficulties, and they cannot usually leave their home and family, if that is a source of challenge for them. The demise of the extended family in Western culture has led to children’s support networks diminishing, and with the breakdown of family life and increasing single- parent families, their contact with elders as role models has reduced. Less able to use their resources to change the external situation, it is therefore useful for a child to be able to control their own inner world, to be more resilient, and gain mastery of more effective ways of dealing with external stimuli which may provoke undesirable behaviours. Creating a resourceful state, a “personal welfare state” may be a means of achieving that ability to exercise self-control, gain a sense of self-worth and remain in mental good health.

Resourceful States of Mind

A resourceful state of mind is perhaps best described as a personal inner retreat, a safe platform from which to move forward and explore responses rather than react on impulse. The client can be facilitated in creating this state, using existing inner resources, elicited by sensory-based techniques such as visualisation. It is accessed by the client’s recalling positive experiences, and creating, initially with guidance from the therapist, then independently, their own representation of the moment they have chosen. As a first step, some carefully chosen exercises and games are introduced which will guarantee the client has a recent positive experience of success on which to draw, should it prove challenging for them to remember any other suitable event. The process for creating a resourceful state will vary from client to client, according to their needs. It will include specially designed breathing and posture exercises, visualisation, sounds and feelings, (depending on the client’s preferences) and adjustment of the image by the client to make the strongest possible representation of their chosen moment. This is followed by cultivation of the child’s sensory perception, and contextual rehearsal and role play in situations which have proved challenging in the past. An important factor for the therapist is the development of keen observational skills in noting specific physical responses and their congruence with spoken expressions, and the ability to identify preferred senses and styles of communication in the client, and match them where appropriate.

With practice, resourceful state can become part of a person’s repertoire of voluntarily chosen but unconsciously achieved behaviour, such as riding a bicycle or driving a car, to be accessed and utilised by choice whenever required. When they know and understand themselves better they have a wider range of choices available in how to respond to themselves and to their environment. They can literally become more resourceful in their way of being.

Resourceful states of mind, then, are based on an ability to reflect on and in action, to operate from a chosen response rather than an impulse, and to have an inner mental sanctum, a reserve of strength to draw on when needed. Being able to reconnect to a positive and powerful experience can give confidence and build self-esteem, empowering a client to believe in himself and in his potential.

My fascination with, and, dare I say, passion for resourceful states of mind stemmed initially from a strong personal interest when a young family member had coaching in learning skills about 10 years ago, and was taught to create a personal resourceful state. The subsequent increase in confidence, self-esteem and performance was dramatic, and prompted me to discover more about state management. I researched widely, and found references to “flow” (Csiksezentmihalyi) [v], a state which athletes and performers use in preparation for and during performance, “peak experience” (Maslow) [vi], involuntary ecstatic states which can have transformational effects on those experiencing them, “plateau experience” (Maslow) [vii] which is a milder version of the peak experience, with a more voluntary element, “vital moments” (Goud) [viii] and “mindfulness” [ix],  all of which bore some resemblance to resourceful states of mind. This is of necessity a brief list of the reading which informed me, although I can say that in all my searches I found no specific reference to resourceful states of mind pertaining to counselling.

The Research Project

I undertook this research for a Master’s Degree in Counselling Practice, which required that the topic was grounded in the researcher’s own practice. When planning the project, I was moved by a desire to discover why at certain times, with certain clients, certain interventions (with particular reference to resourceful state) would appear to work more effectively.  I believe that by reflecting in and on action, as described by Schön in The Reflective Practitioner, (1991),[x] I was able to examine my own practice and gain invaluable knowledge and know-how of my work, whilst benefiting from personal insights, and most importantly, being extremely sensitised to the expressions and responses of my clients. My personal resourceful state was important in helping me to adopt an observer position when reflecting on my practice, and in enhancing my empathic skills within the therapeutic relationship.

I chose to use a case study in order to pay close attention to the unfolding process during a series of counselling sessions with a specific child client. This methodology is particularly suited to a detailed study of phenomena occurring in a practice situation, and the work was carried out subject to all ethical considerations, including consent, confidentiality and non-harming, in accordance with BACP guidelines and under academic and clinical supervision. The initial therapy took place between September 2000 and March 2001. The interviews and analysis took place subsequent to the completion of the therapeutic contract, and further research has since been conducted into additional cases, with group work carried out until July 2002.

The Case Study

The client was a 10 year old boy who was experiencing emotional and behavioural difficulties, with problems such as tantrums and aggression reported both at home and at school, resulting in his schoolwork also being affected. He was referred by his mother, on word of mouth recommendation, and attended for 12 one-hour sessions. I initially saw the mother twice, to discuss the case history from her viewpoint, and then to agree the contractual terms, including the agreement for her to be interviewed subsequent to the completion of the therapy.  We established that the outcome most desired by his mother was that the client should be happier, more confident, less angry, have fewer tantrums and be more prepared to engage with his family, teachers and peers. If his schoolwork also improved, then that would be an added bonus. We remained in contact for feedback throughout, as is recommended wherever possible in work with children.

The Assessment

““So, why are you here?” I said to the client.

He was a little reserved, quiet and his eyes were downcast as he responded candidly to my request for his story about why he was attending.

 “I’ve been getting into trouble at home and at school”, he replied.

“How do you feel about that?” I asked.

He looked at me and hesitated, chewing his lip. He looked down, at his hands, then looked back at me and said “I get…kind of…I’m sort of angry..and I feel…bad.” He spoke quietly and slowly, body twisting slightly to his right, his hands wringing together, his posture slumped.”

During the assessment, the client’s own account of his behaviour matched closely with that of his mother. He told me that, as a result of coming to counselling, he would like to “feel better and not get so mad” and “do better at Maths and English”.

After the assessment session with the client, I asked him if he was interested in participating in my research, taking utmost care to ensure there was no pressure or obligation. I checked again scrupulously the following week when he enthusiastically agreed. After the end of the 12 sessions of therapy, I conducted two interviews with the client.

The first interview took place within a final 13th “closeout” session, and he was very comfortable throughout. He enjoyed going through the agenda we had followed, and choosing those interventions he felt had been most beneficial. He was also quick to tell me what had been least favoured, (“boring”, to use his words), which I regard as a good indicator of the equal balance of power in our relationship. His willingness to interject and interrupt, offering his thoughts during our interview sessions, left me sure that he felt no constraints in communicating his true feelings to me. The same remarks apply to our second interview, which was taped, and where, on transcription, I was able to identify even more precisely how powerful his contribution was.

The subsequent interview with his mother gave rise to some painful, tearful moments for her. She said she was relieved to have uncovered her feelings, and felt very safe speaking to me. I stayed with her until I was sure she was grounded and calm, and suggested she might like to have her own counsellor. She was definite in her positive assessment of the value of the work I did with her son, and confirmed that she had noticed great changes in him. It was extremely interesting that she told me how she had felt enabled to make changes herself, also. Her observation of her son, and the way he went home and told her about what we did in our sessions, led her to decide that she could alter the way in which she related to him. Their relationship improved as a consequence, and the household was generally much calmer, with better communications.

The Results

In analysing the data in the case study, I noticed the similarity in the perceived changes identified by the client, his mother and myself. Although I had not undertaken an outcome study per se, I knew from my reading about case study research (Yin, 1994[xi]; Stake, 1995[xii]; Silverman, 2000[xiii]; McLeod, 1994[xiv]; Higgins, 1996[xv]) that multiple sources of data are highly regarded as a means of reinforcing validity. Therefore I selected amongst the available material from pre-, during and post- counselling, the behaviour, emotions and attitudes identified by all three participants as being subject to change. Changes were also reported from other members within the family, teachers, both verbally and in writing, and from peers with whom the client’s relationships improved noticeably.

Resourceful State Christine Miller The ABA model shown below illustrates the conditions pre-counselling at A in column one. B represents the changes noticed during counselling. A in column three shows the effects when counselling was discontinued. I regard this information as important because it illustrates triangulation, the convergence of opinion between participants, thus lending credence to the proposition that change did occur.

Baseline Assessments of Effects of Counselling

 

Pre Counselling

During Counselling

Post Counselling

 

A

B

A

1

Tantrums almost every day

few tantrums

few tantrums

2

Arguments, alienation

calm child/household

calm child/household

3

Client self-doubt

client confidence

client confidence

4

Client impulsive/ thoughtless

considers decisions

considers decisions

5

Client can’t see outcomes

foresees outcomes

foresees outcomes

6

Client self-anger

self acceptance

self acceptance

7

Client sensitivity to comments

accepts just criticism

accepts just criticism

8

Peer relations tense

improvement

improvement

9

Bullying

decreases

decreases

10

School behaviour

improves

improves

11

Teacher relations

improves

improves

12

Mother guilt/responsibility

Mother letting go

mother letting go

13

Mother angry – self

self accepting

self accepting

14

Mother angry – son

acceptance

acceptance

15

Mother high expectations

realism

realism

16

Mother/son tension

understanding/respect

understanding/respect

17

Disobedience

explanation

explanation

18

Client/mother don’t talk

son explains our work

reminds of principles

19

Coping/weakness

both stronger in self

both stronger in self

One of the most effective ways to demonstrate what I discovered about resourceful state in this case is to offer some verbatim quotations from the client.

We explored his experience of resourceful state, and he told me “everything is really calm”, “It’s just silent, and all I can hear is myself”. He had such internal dialogues as “How’re you feeling?” responding with “really happy”, “really sad”, “no emotions”, “every single emotion you can think of”, with the most common emotion being happy. He told me that “it’s calm sometimes and it makes me feel really good when I’m happy and it’s peaceful as well”. The resourceful state was important to him because it helped him “a lot” and “when I’m feeling sad I go into the resourceful state to get over it”, and that he used it mostly “just before I go to school on Monday” and “if I feel really bad on another day then I’ll use it again.”

It appears that the client’s experience of resourceful state supported a wide range of emotions, and that resourceful state might offer the therapeutic potential for the clarification of emerging emotional patterns – exploration and clarification of feelings being a goal of the counselling process. It is also possible that that resourceful state offers the development of emotional regulation skills. The process is not dissimilar to meditation or co-counselling techniques.

 The client deliberately accessed the resourceful state when entering stressful environments, whenever he was feeling very sad, or when he wanted to achieve a peaceful, calm and quiet state. The state was also “silent” for him, possibly enabling him to “hear himself”, and providing a quiet retreat away from external influences. It appeared that he had made definite choices in identifying the times when he would use resourceful state, and was also aware of those moments when it would best support him in challenging circumstances.

 I asked the following:

Therapist:        So what have you learned about yourself?

Client:             That I’m very important. I’m not just somebody who walks around everyday doing nothing. I’m really important. That as well. 

The foregoing statement is probably an indicator of the client’s self acceptance, that he values himself for what he is, and believes he has worth both to himself and to his world.  This might indicate that the conditions for a fully functioning person were present. Satir says that person with high self worth:

“has faith in his own competence. He is able to ask others for help, but he believes he can make his own decisions and is his own best resource.”  Satir (1972: p. 22)[xvi] 

“This achievement of self-acceptance is usually followed by a sharp increase in the client’s personal power.”  Mearns & Thorne (1999: p. 150)  [xvii]

Witnessing the achievement of that empowerment and sense of self-worth led me to consider that our therapeutic relationship, with its emphasis on resourceful state, might well have facilitated my young client in accessing his own personal welfare state, a resource from which he will hopefully continue to benefit as he moves through adolescence to young adulthood.

Conclusions

It seems that resourceful state may have provided a resource for the client to experience himself more fully, and that it also allowed him to enter a calm, peaceful frame of mind is highly probable. I propose that his resourceful state offered the client an enabling device from which to operate differently, to consider and choose a response, when faced with the external factors which had previously been provocative to his bouts of anger, frustration and confusion.

 The resourceful state appears to help reconnect the client to his sense of self-worth, by enabling him to acknowledge experiences of success, peace, calm or any other feeling which serves to reinforce his ability to regard himself as worthwhile. Sometimes clients cannot remember their successes, they can’t think of anything good they ever were or did. They block their memories of their own competencies, relating only to their perceived failures and lacks. The ability to access a resourceful state of mind, and reconnect to “good feelings” can perhaps help to provide the sense of safety which has been presented by Maslow, Rogers[xviii], Brooks[xix], McGuiness [xx] as crucial to growth and development, and a key feature of resilience.

 My continued work with clients, ranging from therapists and older students to children with learning difficulties such as dyslexia and dyspraxia, has reinforced the conclusions I have drawn from my studies, and I am continuing to develop my ideas.

Equally importantly, for myself as a counsellor, working from a personal resourceful state has had a noticeable effect on the development and quality of the therapeutic alliance, and members of my cohort on the MA who were introduced to my work experienced considerable benefits in terms of combating anxiety and stress. As a tool for personal growth, I have been astonished by the simple power a resourceful state holds. Through some very
challenging times of bereavement and loss, I have been able to complete my work, using my resourceful state to facilitate myself in difficult circumstances.

I am currently scheduling Resourceful States in Therapy training workshops from January onwards, for counsellors, teachers and others who work with children, and I am planning to introduce the concept to other groups – such as parents, students and the general personal development market as next year progresses. My book, “Resourceful Intelligence”, based on the research, will be published by Crown House early next year.

 For further information, please call contact Christine Miller HERE


[i] Department for Education & Skills (2001, June) Promoting Children’s Mental health in Early Years & School Settings

[ii] Webster’s unabridged dictionary 1996, 1998, MICRA Inc

[iii] OED: (1971)  Oxford English Dictionary    Oxford University Press

[iv] http://www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn2.0?stage=1&word=resourceful

[v] Csiksezentmihalyi. (1991) Flow: the psychology of optimal experience. New York. Harper & Row.

[vi] Maslow, Abraham H. (1968)  Toward a psychology of being (2nd edit) New York: Van Norstrand Reinhold

[vii] Maslow, A.H.. (1976) Religions, Values, & Peak Experiences  London; Penguin Arkana

[viii] Goud, Nelson H. (1995, Sept) Vital Moments   Journal of Humanistic Education & Development  Vol. 34 Issue 1, p24, 11p

[ix] Venerable Henepola Gunaratana.  Mindfulness in plain English. URL: http://www.freenet.carleton.ca/dharma/introduction/instructions/sati.html  [8th January 2001]

[x] Schön, D. (1991)  The Reflective Practitioner; How professionals think in action. Aldershot:Ashgate.

[xi] Yin, R.K. (1989)  Case study research: design and methods. London: Sage

[xii] Stake, Robert. ( 1995)  The Art of Case Study Research. Thousand Oaks, USA. Sage.

[xiii] Silverman, David. (2000) Doing Qualitative Research: A Practical Handbook  London: Sage

14 McLeod, J. (1999)   Practitioner research in counselling. London: Sage..

[xv] Higgins, Robin. (1996) Approaches to research: a handbook for those writing dissertations. London: Jessica Kingsley

[xvi] Satir, Virginia. (1972)  Peoplemaking. London: Souvenir Press.

[xvii] Mearns, Dave; Thorne, Brian. (1999) Person-centred counselling in action. (2nd edit). London: Sage.

[xviii] Rogers, Carl R. (1967) On Becoming a Person; A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy.  London: Constable.

[xix] Coeyman, Marjorie. (2000, November 14th)  An eye trained firmly on success. Christian Science Monitor, Vol. 92, Issue 247, p 13, 3pp.

[xx] McGuiness, John. (1993, January) The national curriculum: the manufacture of sow’s ears from best silk.  British Journal of Guidance and Counselling, Vol. 21, Issue 1, p 106, 6pp.

Why Attend a Resourceful Masterclass?

By

Christine Miller Resourceful State Why Attend a “How to Live Resourcefully” Masterclass?

Our prime intention with
“How to Live Resourcefully” Masterclasses
is to work with all who attend in exploring:

  • Who you are
    • How you function as a unique, remarkable individual
    • What valuable skills, talents and experience you have already
    • Why you might not be fulfilling your true potential – yet
  •  You can then discover
    • What you can do to enhance your sense of self, and
    • How you can change and improve what isn’t working for you.
  •  You will find out 
    • What is important to you
    • What your purpose is.

Our aim is to build your confidence and belief, and enhance your wellbeing and sense of self-worth, thus leading towards greater personal power and enhanced performance in all areas of life.

You will specifically learn how to access your calm centre, and how to use breathing for state control. You will begin to learn to control your inner world, and therefore your response to outside influences, by accessing a resourceful state, which re-connects you with your personal excellence. This is one of the first, vital steps in building authentic self – esteem. You will also learn the secrets of creating the future of your dreams, through learning the simple steps to an achievable outcome.

You’ll have great fun, participating in this active day which will have you learning and experiencing new techniques for transforming your life and putting them into practice immediately – so you get real results for yourself.

Only you will know exactly what attending the workshop will mean to you – so keep that thought in mind when you decide what you really want in life and come and discover what could happen when you let go of your limitations.

JOIN US NOW 

Overcoming Depression

By

maleheaddespair“Dear Christine,

I saw a special about Terry Bradshaw who has depression and I read a book by William Styron on his depression. This morning I felt like I could not bear to work today.  I did and feel fine now but it is a common thing for me. I don’t want to take pills but I will try it.  I would like to know if there is something I can do to avoid this incapacitating reticence to do anything.”

BG, Canton, TX, USA

 

 

Dear BG,

First of all, BG, I’m assuming that you have checked with your doctor to make sure that there are no underlying physical conditions which might lead to your feeling reticent to do anything. If you have the physical all-clear, then, because, as you say, it is a common thing for you to feel that you can’t bear to work, perhaps your doctor could refer you for counselling to help you identify and resolve what may be underlying your feelings.

I am wondering, have you experienced any recent changes in your sleeping patterns, your eating habits (either over or under eating), your use of alcohol or other stimulants; do you have a tendency to sigh a lot, to cry a lot, to withdraw from friends and family and feel unloved? These are some of the possible signs of depression, but remember that almost everyone experiences mood changes and periods of feeling “low” in response to life’s normal challenges, and they pass quite quickly. It’s when the conditions are severe and/or persistent that therapy or medication might be necessary. Sometimes, there’s an unrealistic expectation that we “should” love life and be happy, energetic and fulfilled at all times – but if you’ve just lost a loved one or maybe experienced some mental or physical trauma, then a period of reflection, of mourning, of adjustment is not only necessary but desirable.

I’m curious about how long you have been experiencing these feelings, and if you have experienced a recent trigger in the form of a major life event, such as a bereavement or loss through divorce. After such events it can take a long time for recovery to take place, and strong emotions are quite normal during these times. Talking with a trusted friend or relative can help to alleviate the burden – the old adage that ‘a trouble shared is a trouble halved’ has much truth in it.  A counsellor or therapist would fill that role for you, also, if you prefer to keep your inner ponderings confidential. And if you can find no reason, and your feelings have been present for a long period, then it would certainly be advisable to seek a professional helper.

Perhaps, BG, you might ask yourself where this reticence, this incapacity comes from, what does it mean, and what purpose does it serve? What is it that you are not paying attention to in your life that your feelings of incapacitation are guiding you to attend to? What do you have in your life that you no longer want? What don’t you have in your life that you would like to be there? What steps can you take to make the changes that will create the conditions which will allow your greater fulfillment?

I also wonder how you relate to your work, your workplace and your workmates. Do you perhaps work alone, at home or in your office, and rely on your own company for motivation and encouragement?  Is there something about your current work which causes you to avoid engaging with it?  If you are involved with a creative profession, there can be a loneliness and reluctance which are necessary to the process of conceiving original work, and many artists experience a stage of reluctance before they find themselves in flow and being productive. Many of the great artists and performers of the world – Claude Monet, Sylvia Plath, Ernest Hemingway, Marilyn Monroe, Truman Capote, to name but a few – have suffered from depression, and the understanding of this condition is growing all the time.

If it were to prove that you do suffer from depression, there are things you can do to help yourself. You can start by keeping fit and well, rested and well-nourished. (Exercise releases “feel good” pheromones which enhance you mood, for example.) There are proven talking therapies, which can intervene and help you modify your responses. There are of course pills, as well, which your doctor may recommend as a measure to help you in the short term. What you decide to do will also depend on your assessment of yourself and the steps you are prepared to take in feeling better about yourself. For that is where you are in control, and the route you take is under your own direction.

Many of my clients, whatever issues they present with, find that writing is a superb therapy in itself. Perhaps you can keep a diary or journal of your daily moods and their relationship to your activities. An illuminating pattern may emerge, which will give you insight into, and possibly even assist in resolving, the triggers for your incapacitation. And writing an essay or a short story about your life as it is now and as you envisage it as an ideal can be a delightfully liberating experience in re-authoring yourself. Whilst you are deciding, such steps as have been suggested here may give you some inner peace and a calm place from which you can move to find what you want in your life.

And remember, as someone once said to me:

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance”

I wish you contentment and the resolve to change that which is within your power to achieve the happy and active life you desire.

Love

Christine 

Response:

Dear Christine,

I want to thank you all for your insights and help. I didn’t expect anything so thorough but I learned a lot.

I am an artist and my work is important to me. I want everything to be great. I do fear failure but I love the work and the opportunity to feel very strongly about it. Maybe that has something to do with it. I know I want approval and I work a little too hard to get it. I don’t know why I want approval.

Talking it out would help I am beginning to see. Your generosity with your time is truly appreciated. The bad thing about it is I don’t really want to do anything about it for fear I will just start something I don’t finish again. Paintings are the only thing in my life I have ever finished. Well one other thing. I was a single parent (father) for my two boys from the time they were 3 and 4 years old. They are grown and gone now, for several years. I have time to do a lot of work just don’t have the passion. I guess I am finally feeling mortal.

Much love
BG

Motivation and Zest for Life

By

girlleaping“Dear Christine,

I have read several self help books. Tried several techniques. On many occasions have attempted to start a journal, hoping to work on goals, self esteem and prosperity creation.
However good a start I make I find it so difficult to keep motivated, my self doubt creeps in. Being motivated and having enthusiasm for things in life has been a great problem for me since the loss of both my parents and my partner over a period of eight months. Any advice on how I can regain my zest and love for life? I have tried many things all to no avail: is there any hope for me?”  JR, Durham, UK

Dear JR

First of all, allow me to express my sympathy for your loss of your parents and your partner over a very short period of time. Such loss certainly requires a period of mourning and readjustment which will not necessarily be swift. It is perfectly normal and even desirable to have many feelings – of sadness, loneliness and even hopelessness – when faced with the gaps in our lives left by the departure of loved ones, whether through death or separation. Acknowledging and even welcoming these feelings is an important part of the process of recovery, and  being able to hold such feelings and work with them whilst also moving through them to acceptance is probably one of the key factors in returning to a more joyful life.

You don’t mention how long ago you experienced these losses, and each person has a different time scale for mourning. Cultural background can influence the way we deal with bereavement, with certain societies encouraging visible, audible public expression of sorrow, and others choosing a quiet, private and internal way of grieving.

For some, grief is immediate and sharply felt, expressed spontaneously and freely. For others, the sense of loss creeps more slowly, perhaps only hitting home some weeks or months after the bereavement. And there are always those moments of recall, the promptings of a familiar sound, sight or place, the event or occasion when the person’s absence is strongly felt, the shock of their habitual presence being no longer there.  So be kind to yourself and accept that what you experience may be the natural way your body, heart and soul respond to changes which have come from events beyond your control.

Take all the time you need to grieve. Your parents were with you all your life – it would be unrealistic not to feel their absence acutely for a period of time, and your partner was also a key part of your life – it is acknowledged that it can take many years to come to terms with the death of a partner, so take your time and value the personal growth you can experience from this process. Get some help from a bereavement counsellor if you would like someone to talk to. CRUSE in the UK specialise in bereavement issues, offering free advice and support. (www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk)

These events, your losses, were beyond your control – you can, however, now start to make a conscious decision about how you respond to the feelings which they have led you to experience. If you are ready to move forward, holding dear the precious memories of your loved ones, and allowing the feelings their loss has created in you to be a resource of strength and determination, then you can start to change and regain your motivation and zest for life.

Acknowledge to yourself that it’s okay to feel sad sometimes, that you can be safely sad, and that you can also enjoy life’s pleasures and joys alongside the sadness. Your respect for your loved ones does not mean you have to deprive yourself of joy – you can better honour their memory by living a full and richly rewarding life which is a testimony to their positive influences on your development.

Take some time to consider what you really want – if you really want to be happy, then the choice to feel happiness lies within you. You have demonstrated by asking these questions that you have sensitivity and awareness, that you know that the answer truly lies within. Develop that ability to look within, and accept yourself as a whole and sensitive person who is capable of deep feeling and unlimited growth. Take a quiet, reflective moment and ask yourself if it is alright for you to experience that which you desire – whatever it may be – and pay attention to the spontaneous response you get.

Make a definite decision to look for the positive in whatever happens to you – what strength and knowledge can you draw from your life experiences? Which people can you attract into your life to share and enhance your world?  Create your ideal in your mind, make it as vivid as the most compelling film you have ever seen, the most riveting novel you have ever read, and allow yourself to start living the possibility – remembering that all your emotions are valid, and that there will be times when life’s natural events lead to feelings which modern society can tend to disown.

Although love can bring sadness and loss, the true joy lies in knowing that your strength increases through exposure to the full range of a life well lived – including the disappointment, confusion and unexpected results  which offer the greatest lessons.

Hope is always present in our lives, if we choose it so  – you can be, do and have whatever you want,  know that you deserve your heart’s desire – and you can then respond in the way that best fulfils your needs. I wish you a joyful journey into a future filled with rich experience as you start to explore the map of your life – one which you can create and recreate as you tread more lightly into the world.

Christine

Coaching & Mentoring

By

Christine cropResourceful Coaching & Mentoring with Christine Miller MA FRSA

With a varied and successful career across a range of roles and sectors over 25 years, Christine Miller now focuses mainly on developing leadership, encouraging personal growth and fostering untapped potential in others.

 

A coach and mentor for almost twenty years, Christine has trained extensively through various disciplines in human potential, coaching, leadership development and psychology, including Solutions Focused, Transpersonal, Clean Language, NLP and Person-centred, ultimately developing her own Resourceful Intelligence (RQ) methodology and programmes through a two year Masters degree in Psychology which was awarded a distinction.

This variety and rigour means she can offer a comprehensive approach which covers any issues clients may have in their business and personal lives, and she is committed to and passionate about helping people achieve their true potential.

Her breadth of knowledge, experience and empathy enable her to carefully elicit and understand her clients’ needs. From there, she rapidly creates a fertile space of trust and caring where they explore their current state, future outcomes and essential actions for personal and professional growth and achievement of their desired goals.

As an entrepreneur, consultant and business owner, who has also spent time in the corporate environment heading large teams, Christine clearly sees the challenges facing executives and leaders in positions of great responsibility, and the pressures they experience. Her strategic thinking capabilities, creativity, compassion and vision lend powerful insights to the coaching and mentoring experience she offers.

She believes in the vital importance of effective communication, openness, authenticity, and in identifying values, meaning and purpose in life. This enables her clients to gain clarity, build better relationships, have greater engagement, and live in richer more fulfilled ways so that they can express their potential, love what they do,  and enjoy the successful and well-rounded lives they desire.

Christine acted as Principal of Erickson College in London for three years, bringing their Executive Coaching and Leadership Development programmes to the UK in 2004. She is currently working with the Centre for Progressive Leadership at City Business School, London, where she is a Fellow, on advancing the agenda for transforming 21st Century Leadership and Management.

Please contact Christine for an initial exploratory chat via the schedule or contact forms below. 

What People Say About Christine Miller

“Your questions provoke many new thoughts and creative ideas, you are an ‘agent provocateur’, and in our conversations you are able to reach parts no-one else does.”
Tony Buzan, Multi-million bestselling author of over 90 books, speaker and inventor of Mind Maps,  the world’s foremost expert on thinking visually, and a leading lecturer on the brain and learning.

I spent an inspiring afternoon with Christine, and her magic for me is that her guidance appears effortless – to the point I felt that I was coming up with all these wonderful visions on my own. In fact, it was Christine’s caring and intuitive guidance gently taking me to a place I would never have reached without her. Those who know Christine already will understand me when I say that with Christine’s help I have seen a realistic vision of my own future. Thanks Christine – and I look forward to working with you for a long time to come.
Richard Flewitt, Business Video Producer, New Edge

Christine is seriously well connected to leading humans all over the world.
Hugely progressive individual: Well informed, insightful.
She listens with care and she offers wise words after deep thought.
I can’t recommend her enough.
Thomas Power , Chairman, Ecademy

I had a wonderful coaching experience with Christine.  She rapidly created a safe, trusting space with ease which felt very connected, from there anything was possible.  It was both a connection of spirit, almost beyond words and time, while also being very grounded, staying with real issues.  This allowed me to be able to access my knowing and find my own solutions.  It was a really spiritual experience and, in my experience, one that is all too rare!”
Tiffany Gaskell MBA CPCC, Executive Director, Performance Consultants International

Christine is a remarkable and effective communicator who is able within normal conversation to draw the very best of me out. Through the simple use of inquiry, gentle challenge and feedback, she proves to be incisive and directive towards my better understanding of self and situation. Each time we talk, work together or enjoy the other’s company, Christine always delivers the beauty of a well-trained intellect and systems aware thought process; she is one clever lady!
Benn Abdy-Collins, Medical Herbalist | Well-Being Facilitator | Mentor & Coach | Speaker | Facilitator | Writer

Thank you for your warmth and insight, your words brought tears to my eyes and allowed me to see what I can do to change the issues which have been haunting me for so long.
A.P., Coach, London

Over the past several months Christine and I have engaged in meaningful life and business related conversations.  Enlightening and inspirational, Christine’s style of coaching and mentoring is creative, intuitive and futuristic.  She is ethical, has integrity and respected by colleagues worldwide who seek her  wisdom and viewpoint. Christine’s understanding and knowledge of the intricacies in global business is exemplary. I highly recommend Christine Miller as a Mentor and Consultant.
Alana Mitchell, Mentor, Business, Life & Executive Coach, Consultant & Inspirational Speaker 

It’s scary having conversations with some people at some times, in part because of the subject and in part because of what you discover about yourself or your business. But it’s also highly enlightening to find someone who both appears to have capability, and actually can. What you will find when engaging Christine is an all-round ability, and one which will focus but which can move between her broad and diverse capabilities. We have never yet talked about the other side of her interests, but in business her people focused centre and base training, combined with practical business running experience and strategic insight, has brought me both personal and business value. I thoroughly recommend that if you think Christine might be able to help you or your business, that you pick-up the phone sooner rather than later – you will not be disappointed!
Ian R. McAllister, MBA, Recruiter and Professional CV Writer 

I’ve learned that I’m very important. I’m not just somebody who walks around everyday doing nothing. I’m really important. That as well.
K.M., 10 year-old coaching client

The time I spent with you was really valuable and useful – I’ve seen a lot of coaches and therapists, and what we did together was a real eye-opener for me – I learned a lot about myself.
K.A., Journalist & Broadcaster, London

In half an hour with you, I’ve moved further than I had in hours of therapy before, you have really made a huge difference.
M. P- B., teacher & bereavement counselling client, Kent

Thank you for helping me to break through, it was a truly profound experience, I have worked with a number of therapists, and never really got to the heart of what was holding me back.
Beverley J., coaching client, Hertfordshire

I left you feeling lighter and clearer, and the experience of dealing with the feelings about my childhood seemed to let me really be myself, maybe for the first time in 15 years.
Charles B., coaching client, London

Christine has not only quality in her work but every ounce of her being is designed to make human potential increase. Very few people have this gift.  One in a million.
Nigel Risner, CEO, Nigel Risner, Britain’s Top Motivational Speaker, Winning Business Magazine; Academy for Chief Executives Speaker of the Year

resourceful_state_coaching“Helping people to grow into their potential and have a balanced life is one of my major passions.
I always say, though, that only you, yourself, can choose to make the changes needed to achieve what you want.

I’m there to help and support, and if you come to work with me you learn quickly that you are the one in charge of your own life!

That way YOU hold the power to be, do and have whatever you desire.”

CMgoldsig

Please schedule an appointment below to talk about the options available. 

Strategic, Executive and Business Coaching

For professional and personal development. 

Small Business Coaching and Training – The Resourceful Entrepreneur

Designed to liberate the very best in you so you can become who you want to be in your business and life.
Based on Christine’s ‘Resourceful Entrepreneur’ book 

Career Coaching – The Resourceful Candidate

For you if you want to start your career or change your job and find your ideal role but aren’t sure how. 

Special Coaching Programmes for Children & Young People

Based on Christine’s extensive research and practice and featured in The Economist Guide to Coaching & Mentoring. (PDF) 

For all coaching and mentoring enquiries, please fill in the contact form below or click on the button to schedule an appointment.

Comments or questions are welcome.

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About Us

By

 Christine MillerThe Resourceful State is led by Christine Miller, M.A.

Christine has a first degree in Linguistics and she is also a qualified teacher. From teaching, she moved into a career in industry as a research consultant to use her languages and to travel, for which she developed a continuing passion. She has lived in France, Greece, Scandinavia, Holland and Australia, developing an understanding of cultural difference and an awareness of the challenges posed by frequent change.

Christine has held senior management posts in marketing and training, for major UK public companies, where she discovered that her skills and passion lay in helping people uncover their potential to perform at their best, to experience personal development, and true “emotional intelligence”.

Having discovered this strong interest in coaching and counselling, she decided to retrain as a therapist, and she has continued to attend training to develop her skills and knowledge throughout the past six years. She has recently completed two years research for a Master’s degree in Counselling Practice, for which she was awarded a distinction. This study explored the effects of resourceful states of mind on the outcomes of counselling and the relationship between therapists and their clients. The research will be published as a book later this year.

Working in private practice as a counsellor, coach and mentor to children and young people, with clients ranging from Primary age to University level students and adults, Christine deals with a variety of issues from bereavement and loss to self-esteem and learning difficulties. She will also offer counselling online if preferred.

Additionally, she runs ‘Resourceful State’ seminars and workshops in personal growth and development, and trainings for other therapists and counsellors in the techniques she has developed. To quote Christine:

“Helping people to grow into their potential and have a balanced life is one of my major passions. I always say, though, that only you, yourself, can choose to make the changes needed to achieve what you want. I’m there to help and support, and if you come to work with me you learn quickly that you are the one in charge of your own life! That way YOU hold the power to be, do and have whatever you desire.”

Resourceful State also works in affiliation with a group of highly qualified and experienced trainers and therapists with a range of specialisations from Hypnotherapy, Brief Therapy, Performance Coaching, Clean Language, Metaphor and Storytelling to Emotional Intelligence, Special Needs and Whole Brain Learning, who contribute their skills and knowledge as required.

Married with two children, Christine is based in the UK in London, although she travels internationally to train others and to give workshops and seminars.

Welcome to the Resourceful State

By

Just imagine…..

 having the ability to access an empowering state of mind to call on whenever you wish, when you are under pressure, experiencing emotional challenges or considering life-changing decisions

The Resourceful State offers an innovative approach to therapy, personal development and self help utilising resourceful states of mind. It is a concept based on the idea that we can activate resourceful states of mind to enhance our self esteem and emotional intelligence.

Based on extensive research, and carefully developed and tested in her practice by Christine Miller, MA, these ideas and strategies will be useful to everyone whether they are working with clients or wanting to make changes in their own lives.

What is a Resourceful State of mind?

A calm awareness, giving an ability to reflect before acting, an increase in choice in response to any situation in life, an acceptance of the validity of any emotions, combined with an acknowledgement of their appropriate expression at any given time—a combination of creative impulse and logical thought..
Christine Miller

 Resourceful states of mind are based on an ability to reflect on and in action, to operate from a chosen response rather than an impulse, and to have an inner mental sanctum, a reserve of strength to draw on when needed. Being able to reconnect to a positive and powerful experience can give confidence and build self-esteem, empowering a person to believe in themselves and in their potential.

How can I find out more?
Come to a Live training.  Read more here.  Chat with Christine.